The existentiality of de-existence; Now


“We are going to end up together but not now, as now is the result of many befores and mine were bad, this kind of bad that clings on all the nows that follow, hindering it with doubts, questions, regrets and more questions, making my now not fully present and for you I want to be.”

At this moment it would have been very convenient for him to sign with his name like he always does, but this time he didn’t feel the relationship between those letters and himself.

He kept staring at the blank space in front of him not knowing how to close it, he looked at a nearby mirror trying to figure out what would represent him at the moment, what would be the way to sign these words and make them his, “but are they?” he wondered, while looking at the books on a shelf nearby, are these  his words or theirs, how original is he, does he even think for himself or is he just a mere reflection of what all these others wanted him to be.

“Be, what a big word for only two letters?” he thought.

His phone beeped announcing a new deadline for next week, work always comes first, he saved the draft in the “to be sent” folder.

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