31 and counting…


**Disclaimer: I am not going to edit this post, I will just let the ideas flow, so I am not sure if it is going to make any sense at the end, but it is my birthday so I get to do that**

So it is my birthday again, the anniversary of the day I was brought on to this life unwillingly and unknowingly of how it would turn out to be, one would think that being thirty one is when you have it all figured out . I would be lying if I said I haven’t or if I said the opposite, truth is I don’t know and it is Ok coz no one has ever done.

 My last birthday was my rock bottom,although I was sure that I was on the right track but somehow I managed to lose focus, inflict misery on everyone who happened to be around me and decided to end my life following the pact I made the year before to never reach thirty, I had it all planned to take my life on November 5th, 2011.

But I didn’t,  I lost faith in everything and everyone,  everything looked like an old joke on loop that I couldn’t withstand any more. I didn’t because I wasn’t done yet.

A month later I was kidnapped, harassed and threatened,  I managed to move on, somehow me getting kidnapped made me feel important, relevant or at least a threat to someone somewhere that they would put in the effort to terrorize me in an attempt to make me stop what I was doing.

I took that along with many pills and moved on but this time I was more aware of what I want to do and how would I do it. I had a year with so many ups and downs, twists and turns from working on my dream cultural project to getting involved in one of the biggest cultural events of the year, from getting published internationally  to speaking at conferences, from watching TV to working for a TV channel I always admired, from acting in front of a mirror to performing on a stage and acting in front of a real camera.

Sometimes I feel overwhelmed with all the love and the opportunities I’ve been given over the past year, I’ve done things I would’ve never thought possible, became friends with people I would’ve never imagined existed and worked side by side with some of the brightest people in their fields. I have been really blessed over the past year and I wouldn’t have ever been able to do that if it were not for the most amazing awesome people that I’ve had around me.

I am old enough now to know that there is no “it” to figure out, there is an infinite number of its that exists and are not meant to be figured.

I have no idea how my coming year is going to be but I am thankful, blessed and content for the life I have now and won’t change a thing about it.

We live only once, hence we have nothing to compare our actions and their outcomes to, we don’t have an alternative or a guide of how things should be and/or how people should act. There is no right and wrong, there is only pleasure and pain, affinity for the former and fear of the latter. All of us regardless of gender, sexuality, belief, ideology, background and color are seeking pleasure and fearing pain with no idea whatsoever how it should be done.

Thirty one years ago I was –unwillingly- brought into this life but I am not the only one.

The birthday boy

Z..

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