krakow: dream of mirrors
Image by smif via Flickr

I used to have these flying dreams ,  I was so free, now when I  fly I am afraid of falling down ,thinking of how painful it would be ” said Amgad ,as he was sitting on the damp floor in this dark room that was only lit by one candle to the long white haired woman in front of him ,she looked at him with a half eye as he continued “I want to bee free  again “

Silence prevailed for a few moments with the exception of the hurling sound of wind coming from the outside as well as the squeaking windows that are clashing relentlessly, she looked at him and with a husky voice she replied “Thy freedom is not to be granted as a wish, it shall be earned as a prize”

Amgad was trying to listen carefully, though he wasn’t sure if he is understood it right as the woman’s voice was now out voiced by  the dripping sound of  the rain outside , ,silence came in again when the woman commanded him to come closer with her wrinkled hand ,as he was approaching her , she looked him directly in the eye; a look that pierced his being, she took a dive into his soul, he felt her crawling under his skin aiming for his brain ,taking over his senses, then he blacked out.

On the next morning Amgad opened his eyes as his alarm sound started announcing the beginning of a new day, he felt every muscle in his body aching as if he ran the marathon the day before, wasn’t sure if that was a dream or a reality “screw that Inception movie” he thought “as if I need more reasons for my insanity”.

He stood up in front of the mirror and for the first time he is seeing himself differently , it is not like he didn’t recognize himself but the look in his eyes was different ,for a second he heard the old woman’s voice resonating in his head but it was more like an echo of thoughts that he couldn’t comprehend, he knew he was running late for his presentation at the company where he will be presenting his latest creation for a compound building that if got accepted will put him on a whole different level in the architectural world and he wouldn’t allow this headache to interfere.

He opened his bathroom cabinet that was filled by all sorts of pills, from the prescription ones, over the counter to  the totally illegal ones that he once got from a friend to try them ,may be they will help him sleep but never got the courage to slip them down his throat,he has always  known himself to be very image oriented; planning every gesture of his to maintain the standard he wanted for himself ,he always knew that being successful is not easy and he has to succeed.

The presentation went really well as it was expected, after all Amgad helmy is one of the rising stars in the architectural world, and as a celebration he decided to go out to this club with some friends and colleagues so as to drink for his victory.

It was a normal night for him, hanging out at the same club with the same people and running into the familiar faces waiting to rub his achievements in their faces, he started stretching his lips to put on the fake smile that goes with the “hi ,how you doing ” line that will be used all the way to the bar.

He stood to order his drink, as he was lighting a cigarette and while he was looking at the smoke of his first puff, there she was with her daring red hair and wide brown eyes, she looked so familiar yet he knew he has never seen her anywhere before, their eyes met for a second and he couldn’t even fake his renown smile at the moment.

He felt like a high school kid that doesn’t know how to approach women, he had many girlfriends, more one night stands  he has definitely  seen a lot, but the sight of this particular girl that night was overwhelming for him, he could swear that he can hear her breath from where he was standing, he can feel the sound of her heart beats tapping his chest. He was confused about a lot but so sure that he has never felt this way before.

He went back to his table with millions of mixed feelings some of happiness that he didn’t feel in a long time  to the “how silly am I being right now , wake up you are not 8 anymore ” he said to himself , he was downing his vodka tonic and still following the girl with his eyes, he started having conversations with her and was surprised of how different he sounded in this imaginary conversation than he usually is , he heard his own voice may be for the first time , he saw himself breaking in her arms , shattering all the masks that he has been building for years , he felt like he can be totally himself in her presence ,and the one guy who has always been self conscious and a commitment  freak ,preaching people of how they should maintain their image even during intimate moments and never let lose , was lost in her  existence , he felt the freedom he used to feel while flying when he was a kid ,he felt so secure that he didn’t even thrive to be the center of attention of the table , he was silent.

As the night was coming to an end he was standing in front of the club waiting for the valet to bring in his car, to find the long white haired woman stepping into hers and for a second she looked him and smiled.


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